Long overdue...

So, I was emailing Jay's cousin who has been an absolute blessing to me, both pre- and post-op, since she has gone through this, as well, and I realized that I should just steal (most of) my email to her and blog it since I really need(ed) to update.  (Sorry for the run-on...)

I bought some frozen fruit b/c I have really wanted a cold "shake"-type drink.  Any suggestions on what to mix it with?  I am afraid to use any type of juice b/c of all of the sugar in it.  I bought a mix of frozen berries and peaches.

I am having a hard time fighting "head hunger" lately.  Jay's work schedule has been all over the place and when I'm alone, I'm a total emotional eater.  I eat when I am bored... (must have been bored most of my life...)  I'm trying to make smart decisions, but sometimes I just want to eat something that I definitely should NOT be eating... (like a whole Butterfinger... which I haveN'T done, but, oh, how I have dreamt about it...)

I am down to 215-ish (my scale will give me a different reading each time I step on, so I average them...)  The CRAZY part is this: I am STILL considered OBESE!!!  WTH?!  I've lost almost 80 pounds in 5 months, almost 140 pounds in the past 18 months, and I'm STILL A FATTIE?  This makes me sad... and, honestly, a little pissed off angry.

A lot of people don't recognize me at first now, which is weird - and sometimes really nice if it's someone I WISH wouldn't recognize me.  I see a change but I don't think it's that much of a difference yet.  I do, however, see myself every day, which could be the problem.  I'm wearing some 14-16 shirts now and mostly 18 pants (though I do have a couple pair of 16s that I wear).

I have had a heck of a time getting the energy to exercise.  I don't know why, but I feel sooo tired all the time.  Wait... actually, I do know why: I have a toddler, a full-time job, AND MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS.  DUH! 

Favorite things to eat & drink right now:

Strawberries

Crystal Light Peach Tea

WATER

Salads

1/2 ham & cheese sandwich
1/2 homemade "hamburger", no bun (props to Meri Page for the recipe idea)

Foods I'm totally OVER:
CHICKEN (it's a love/hate relationship)
eggs
chili (I've been over this since about 2 weeks post-op... the thought of it makes me nauseous)

And... the things I'm craving:
Oreo cookie blizzard (probably never again...)
strawberry milkshake
Butterfinger(s)
Almonds - does anyone know WHEN or IF I can ever eat these again?  They are full of "good" fat...
CHEEEEEEESECAKE!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, y'all... I hope everyone that needs to lose is busy being a BIG LOSER!  :)  Love y'all! 

Approaching 3 months!

Well, here we are - 3 days short of my 3-month mark.  I have officially lost 56 pounds since surgery and am currently weighing in at 235.5 pounds.  Has it been an easy road?  Absolutely not.  Has it been worth it so far?  Totally!!

To date, I have lost over 116 pounds.  The emotions that come with a change like this are unbelieveable.  Some days, I still see my 352 pound body when I look in the mirror.  And others, I think, "well, daggone!  I am lookin' good!"  When I'm out in public, I find myself wondering if people are starring at me the way I thought they used to... I'm still plenty overweight, but much less than I had been.  This is enough to drive you insane.

Eating has gotten much easier.  I am unrestricted now (but monitoring fat and sugar VERY closely).  Some of my favorite things to eat are chicken w/ barbeque sauce (watch the sugar content), Ruffles Light chips (fat free), and fresh fruit and veggies.  I am addicted to Crystal Light Peach Iced Tea and drink it daily. 

I met with my surgeon 2 days ago and he said everything looks great on paper and in person.  I explained to him that I don't really get "hungry" anymore and he informed me that that usually returns somewhere between 6-9 months post-op.  (can't wait.........)  I still try to measure my foods at every meal, although at this point, I am pretty good at "eye-balling" the 1/2 cup serving.

Next weekend is my first social event in my "new" body.  Jay's cousin is getting married in Philadelphia and I am singing in the wedding.  I will post pictures... new dress is on its way to me!!  Maybe I can figure out how to do a side-by-side shot of before and current. 

Bottom line - I am feeling great and even though I have had bad days every now and then, I would definitely do this again in a heartbeat.  Love y'all!!

Hello, 18... haven't seen you in a while...

So I know I've been a total slacker with updating this... I apologize.  I am now 7 weeks post-op and feeling great!  At my last appointment with the surgeon (@ 6 weeks post-op), I had lost 37 pounds.  37 pounds in 6 weeks!!!  YAY!  (And according to my at-home scale, I'm down 3 more since then... so 40lbs total)  He is pleased with my weight loss and I am so excited that I finally feel human again.  I won't lie: the first month post-op was really difficult.  It was mentally exhausting.  The thoughts that race through your mind all day long are crazy!  I was afraid to eat for fear that it would make me sick.  And, the diet is so restricted in the beginning that you get really tired of eating the same thing(s).  However, week 4 was the turning point and now I am feeling fabulous!  Yay!

Well, my clothes are huge on me.  I started this journey wearing a size 24.  My 24s literally fall off of me now, so I headed to CATO to buy some inexpensive transition clothes.  (For my fellow Yankees, CATO reminds me of Fashion Bug, but cheaper...)  I picked up a few sizes (18/20s) and headed to the dressing room.  I tried on the 20 first and they fit great but the material of the pant was so thick that I decided against buying them.  I wanted to see how close I was to an 18, so I stepped in, pulled them up, and my jaw hit the floor - THEY FIT!!!!  I buttoned and zipped them and I could BREATHE!!  It was so very exciting!  (I admit: the Hallelujah Chorus ran through my head.)

I think I was wearing an 18 in junior high... when I was 14.  It's been a long time... it's very exciting and strange at the same time.  When I look in the mirror, I don't see much of a difference.  But others are definitely seeing a difference.  And Jay even told me that my "back fat" (my words, not his) is disappearing (bless his heart...).

So, you may wonder what I am eating these days.  Still eating <1/2 cup of food at a time.  If I overeat, I feel horrible for hours.  I have craved very few things and, honestly, nothing is appealing to me.  I just eat because I have to.  I do get hungry sometimes, but I think it's more of a mind game than anything.  I see that it's lunch or dinner time and know that I need to eat something.  Exercising is also much more enjoyable now.  Jamie and I took a power walk yesterday since it was still 62 degrees outside when I got home from work.  It's amazing how much easier it is to move.

A brief recap:

• Heaviest weight: 353 lbs (yikes!)
• Weight after having Jamie (when I began my dieting (Weight Watchers)): 352 lbs
• Surgery weight: 291 lbs
• Current weight: 251 lbs
• I have lost 101 pounds in 14 months!  (60 lbs was pre-surgery) 
• Now wearing size 18/20

I'm feeling great and hope to post some pictures soon.  BUT - I can't take them of myself, so I'm going to have Jay take some for me. :)

God is good... all the time!

Adios, 270s!!

Okay, so quick update from my appointment yesterday.  Weight: 266.5! :-o

Apparently, the pain I've been having on my left side is completely normal and as long as I don't feel as though it is worsening, all will be fine.  I was advised to use a heating pad; this should help. 

So with my new weight of 266.5, I have lost 27 pounds in a little over 2 weeks and I have lost - get this - 84 pounds since the birth of Jamie.  HOLY LOTTA FREAKIN' WEIGHT GONE!

Now for some seriously bad news:  Jamie and I are sick.  I have so much nasal drainage going into my new tiny little stomach that I feel nauseous all the time.  I try to cough it up, but have absolutely NO luck.  Anyone else who's had the surgery have any suggestions?  It's been so bad that I've been hugging the porcelain god several times today, dry-heaving and having a good ol' time...  I seriously do not know what to do... I am completely miserable.

Maybe this is due to the fact that that I am sick and feeling crappy, but yesterday I admitted that I am in shock... can't believe I have done this.  Sometimes it feels like a dream (a bad one...).  I know it will get better, but right now this sucks.  I can't drink enough, I can't eat what I want to eat, and the things I do eat are making me feel even worse.  Now, it is possible that this is due to the fact that nothing tastes good with snot, right??  There are probably people that will read this and say, "I told you so!" and to you, I say, "Kiss it!"  Like I said, maybe I am just so down-in-the-dumps because of this cold. 

Tomorrow is New Year's Day.  I got a very sweet and unexpected card from a friend the other day that said I'm an inspiration to many... and she wrote, "Happy New Year and Happy New YOU!"  It's crazy to think that next year at this time, I will be 80, 90, maybe even 100 pounds lighter.  These feelings can be very overwhelming.  Maybe this is why they tell you to stay on your depression and anxiety meds after the surgery.  HA!  I was off of mine for about 2 weeks and I could totally tell.  I cried almost the whole way through Toy Story 3 AND for 45 minutes AFTER IT ENDED!!!

Maybe this is TMI, but trying to throw up now is so very difficult.  It mostly ends up being a lot of dry-heaving and crying.  I wonder if you can have mucus sucked out of your nasal cavity? ...that would help a lot.  I sort of wish I had Jamie's problem - a snot faucet... then I could at least blow my nose to get it out.  But mine is just post-nasal drip.  Gross... I feel completely gross.

The end.

A Long-Overdue Update - 2 weeks post-op

Hello, everyone!  Sorry for the delay.  I have not updated lately... I guess the excitement of Christmas with Jamie got the best of me.  We had a great holiday... but it was definitely very difficult to go to all of the Christmas festivities with TONS of DELICIOUS FOOD everywhere and not be able to eat anything. :(

Well, two weeks post-op now and I would say that I feel okay.  I've still got pain in my left side that really bothers me when I bend, twist, etc.  I am hoping this is normal... but I will discuss with the doctor at my appointment Thursday.  I had stopped taking the prescription pain meds a few days after surgery, but had to start taking them again due to this horrible left side pain.  Last dose of Rx pain meds was Sunday... so we are making progress.  I got to drive today!  YIPPEE! 

So here's my list of complaints:
1.  I want to eat (CHEW) something - ANYTHING!  I'm totally OVER the liquid diet thing...
2.  Left-side pain (see above)
3.  I've been off work for the past 2 weeks, so I've been able to nap with Jamie at least once, sometimes twice a day.  The "2:30 crash" is very real... it's totally naptime.
4.  I want to eat something.
5.  My house is a bloody disaster after Christmas with a toddler and I can't do all of my cleaning yet.  I Never thought I'd wish I could clean my bathtub!
6.  GIVE ME SOMETHING TO EAT!!!!!!!!

Okay, it's not that I am necessarily "hungry", I just want to eat something that's not pureed.  I don't want to eat a whole pizza... I want to chew 2 ounces of tuna or some Eggbeaters...

Drinking water is much easier at work because there's not a handsome little 1 year-old trying to pull my drink cup off of the table.  It's great to have my water bottle sitting on my desk and I can sip, sip, sip all day long. 

I have UNOFFICIALLY lost about 23 pounds in 2 weeks.  I will make an official weight loss statement on Thursday after my appointment.  But - according to my bathroom scale, I'm down 23 pounds.  This is not hard to fathom when you think about how I've eaten next to nothing for 2 weeks.  Thankfully, though, I do not have crazy hunger pains... I just eat something because I know I need to do so.  Just want to be able to eat something different.  So, I guess my "complaints" list was misleading.  So sorry.

More Thursday after my appointment... hopefully we'll get the green light to advance the diet! :)

One Week Post-op!!

Well, I've made it a whole week!  I feel better than I thought I would at this point.  My biggest complaint is pain in my left side/abdomen.  This is normal though, as this is where most of the big "cutting" instruments were located during surgery (so I've read...). 

Jamie can scarf down a giant banana in about 5 minutes and that makes me insanely jealous.  Last night I told Jay that I would kill for some tortilla chips and salsa.  His response?  "Want to watch me eat some??"  He's such a joker.

I'm going to venture out into the Wal-Mart pre-Christmas madness today (Jay doesn't know this yet; he'll have to take me, as I am not allowed to drive yet).  I want an immersion blender and I need to get a few groceries to make a few soups that I've heard are DE-LISH the first couple weeks post-op.  I also want to make a vanilla custard.  This is going to be my little dessert at Jay's parents' house Christmas day while everyone else is eating something sinfully delicious.  However, Jay's dad, Ryland, who is a diabetic, will be able to enjoy the vanilla custard with me, as it is sugar-free!  Hopefully it tastes as good as it sounds.

So after one week of consuming nothing but liquids and pain pills, I have dropped 15 pounds.  I was 293 when I came home from the hospital; this morning, the scale read 278!!  Last Christmas, I weighed somewhere around 340-350.  SO - this is great progress.  I've been trying to set a "goal" weight, but I really don't know what I want.  The most important thing is that I am healthy.  I want to be able to shop in regular stores... and I want to be able to buy a CHEAP bra!!  This may sound absurd, but I have to pay (usually) between $30-40 for ONE BRA and this is insane when Wal-Mart sells bras for $10!!  Of course, I need to remember that my boobies might still be enormous after I lose the weight.  Then I'd have to go to Victoria's Secret and still pay $30-40 for ONE BRA.  Boo!!!

SO - I've made it through the first week.  And I feel certain that I will start to feel even better once I can add food to my diet.  Thanks for all of your prayers!!  Hope you get all of your Christmas shopping done!!  4 days left!! :)  Love y'all!!!

Hallelujah!! A pre-Christmas miracle?!

Okay, so I am SOOOO excited about ONE thing: I LIKE COTTAGE CHEESE!!!

This is totally crazy because before Monday, the mere thought of cottage cheese made me turn green.  It is one of the very few foods I am allowed to eat during my post-op 2-week "full liquid" diet, so I decided to pick up a container of Breakstone's (I figured if I was gonna do it, I'd get the expensive one...) and see what might happen when I took a bite.  DE-LICIOUS!!!!!  It is absolutely insane to me that my taste buds changed so quickly.  I think it is the most delightful thing I've eaten since Sunday.  I might have it for every meal.  It's loaded with protein, so it's a great choice, anyway!!  I have heard that Ricotta cheese is even better tasting... anyone care to comment??  So excited!  YAY YAY YAY!!

Also, I never thought I'd get excited about blenderized Chicken Noodle Soup but that's what I had for dinner last night and it was heavenly, as well.  I am having a really hard time with this protein powder mess.  Whose idea was this, anyway?  Why can't I just eat cottage cheese all day?

In other news, I am taking only 1/2 of a pain pill at a time since Friday afternoon.  I am feeling pretty good.  I still have a lot of abdominal discomfort and difficulty bending down.  Jay, Jamie and I rode to Farmville today and went to Belk so I could get a Christmas present for Jay (how romantic - I had to have him drive me!!).  It was an enjoyable outing with the fam.  I will say this: I think I have the best-behaved baby EVER!  This child does not make a peep when we are in a store.  God is so good... he must know how annoyed I used to get when a child was screaming his way through a store.  (Thanks, Big Guy!!)

I have prepared EVERY breakfast, lunch AND dinner for Jay and Jamie since I returned home.  I will admit, sometimes I get bummed that I'm not able to eat what they're having, but I remind myself that, eventually, I will eat it again.  And, as I have heard and read so many times before surgery: "Nothing tastes as good as thin will feel!!"  Still performing that aspect of my wifely duties makes me feel a little less of an invalid. 

I am almost half-way through my full liquid diet.  I CAN DO THIS!  After I get through the next 9 days, I can add tuna, canned chicken, egg substitute, etc.  I am pumped!!  Watch out, y'all!  I'm ready to run.